A student inquired: "How could I have done J.R.R. Tolkien a favour? How could I possibly have impressed him?"

Well, let me tell you a little story. In 1970, a fan went to the house of J.R.R. Tolkien on Halloween to bring him a delicately carved pumpkin. He had carved the full text of Lord of the Rings onto it! He had used a microscopic knife! It had taken him ten years to complete the task. Unfortunately, meanwhile, the pumpkin had become rotten and really smelly. So J.R.R. Tolkien was not happy. "Begone, foul dwimmerlaik", he shouted whilst holding his nose. Then he poured five gallons of hot pumpkin soup over the offending fan's head. Screaming and howling, the fan fled.

The moral of this story is, diligence is useless when you are stupid.