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The Horrible Breakfast of Dr. Tolkienbookhaver

When Dr. Jacques Tolkienbookhaver sat down at his breakfast table after a movie marathon, he was in for a most unpleasant surprise!


One morning in the year 2027, Dr. Jacques Tolkienbookhaver sat down on the table for a nice, relaxing breakfast. He pushed two slices of toast into the toaster, fetched the good strawberry jam his wife had made - oh! the good strawberries of La Tolquienne, Provence! - and opened the butter dish.

He recoiled in shock and horror. The butter had been completely replaced by Peter Jackson!

"Har har har!" laughed the tiny Peter Jackson, who was rolled up in a fetal position inside the butter dish. "I have yet another movie for you to watch!" In that moment, the slices of bread popped out of the toaster. But they were bread no longer! They had been magically transformed into two DVDs!

"This is horrible!" Dr. Tolkienbookhaver sobbed. "Wife! Wife! Why is this happening to me?"

His wife came into the kitchen and sighed deeply. "It is because you have marathoned all 27 Hobbit films, darling. Three hours each. You have not slept for 83 hours, toilet and coffee breaks included. None of this is real. You are hallucinating."

"But what should I do, wife?" cried Dr. Tolkienbookhaver. "I could not sleep, even if I wanted to! The films have excited me so much!"

"Wait", his good wife said. "I shall fetch the Wooden Hammer of Good Sleep." And so she journeyed forth and climbed Mt. Everest, where the Wooden Hammer of Good Sleep is guarded by 17 fierce Dalai Lamas riding battle yaks. She wrestled with them and was victorious. With the hammer she returned and hit Dr. Tolkienbookhaver's head very hard.

"Thank you! Now I shall fall unconscious", said Dr. Tolkienbookhaver, and so he did. He slept for 60 hours straight, and when he woke up, his breakfast never again changed into Peter Jackson.

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