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420 blaze it Tollers
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Ceiling Lolkien
Shoot the Tolkpedo
Poke the Heretic
Chaika? Yes Chaika

Tolkien and... Fakes

A student inquired: "How do I recognize a fake J.R.R. Tolkien?"


Even during Tolkien's lifetime, a large number of fake J.R.R. Tolkiens popped up. Some were dressed-up undergrad students from Cambridge looking for a part-time job, but most were cheap robotic fakes made in China. Usually, bookshops would buy these for signing sessions, or radio interviewers for their shows when the real Tolkien rejected to be interviewed.

There is an easy way to identify a robotic fake: Poke it. Only true people have blood. Fakes are usually filled with tomato juice, so they appear to bleed when you poke them, but if you taste the liquid, it can be easily identified.

The undergrad students from Cambridge can be exposed by asking them detail questions about the Sindarin past progressive conditional. Their knowledge is usually very superficial there.

Also, the real Tolkien smoked the best English pipeweed. Fake ones often smoke cheap import weed, straw, or vegemite.

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A comprehensive collection of short truths from J.R.R. Tolkien's life, and the many wonders and miracles he bestowed upon the world. Put together and published here for the first time!


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